The Church of Jerusha Christ of Latter-day Sisters

I remember the first time I prayed to our Heavenly Mother to know if the Church is true. I was seventeen years old, and it was my last year at Young Men’s Camp.

My ward’s priestess and her husband had been invited to speak and bear their testimonies on the last night of camp. The priestess’s husband spoke first. He talked about his own experiences at Young Men’s Camp growing up. He joked that in those days, it was more about having fun than strengthening testimonies, but that just being around all those faithful men who loved their wives and had sacrificed time away from their children just to be at camp was such a great example to him. It made him long for a future where he, too, could marry a worthy woman in the temple and start a family of his own. He also talked about what a blessing it had been to serve the Lady in his various callings in the Church, and what a great example his wife had been in honoring her priestesshood.

When the priestess’s turn came to speak, a hush seemed to come over all of us. I mostly knew her from being in her office for worthiness interviews, but I could always feel that she was a woman of the Goddess. She slowly walked up to the front of the small camp amphitheater. I remember having a warm feeling come over me, as if the power of her priestesshood was protecting me. She started her testimony by thanking her husband for being by her side all these years as she dedicated her life to serving the Lady in her priestesshood duties. She even said that she wasn’t quite sure what he was thinking when he agreed to marry her! All the boys laughed. She thanked him for being such a blessing to her and for raising such wonderful children. The priestess went on to recount the story of the restoration of the sealing power upon Josephina Smith and Olivia Cowdery in the Kateland temple. She spoke of the blessings of eternal marriage, and how we were preparing ourselves now to one day be fathers and raise children up to the Lady. I wasn’t really thinking about marriage at that time, but I knew that someday it would be my turn to carry on the legacy of our pioneer brothers who had sacrificed everything to follow the prophetess and raise eternal families.

As the priestess spoke, my mind wandered. I thought about the times I had sat across from her in her office after struggling with sin.

You see, I was born into the Church. My mother had baptized me in our local ward when I was eight, and I had always done my best to follow the teachings of the prophetesses. At the time, I thought I knew that the Church was true. I remember the tears in my father’s eyes as he watched my mother lay her hands upon my head to confer the gift of the Holy Ruah. I remember singing the Primary songs and doing my very best to get closer to the Savioress by bearing my testimony.

As I got older, things started to change. I began not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I was a naturally muscular kid, and it was hard to find white shirts that didn’t accentuate my biceps and show the broadness of my shoulders. I started growing facial hair at an early age, too. I dreaded going to the dances because I knew that one of the priestess’s counselors would be there, telling me to slump my shoulders so as to be less tempting to the girls. One time she even sent me home to shave because my face was not smooth enough.

After one of the dances, one of the girls that I liked took me out to the parking lot and kissed me, and asked if we could get into her car. I knew that it was a bad idea, but I agreed. She ran her hands over my arms and shoulders as we made out. I felt my penis getting hard, and it made me feel guilty. We ended up ditching the dance and going to her cousin’s house, since her aunt and uncle had taken their family on vacation and no one was home. We made out on the couch, and after a while she asked me to have sex with her. I was really scared, but I really liked her and I really wanted to be her boyfriend. She took my pants off and climbed on top of me. I decided at that moment that I didn’t want to go through with it, mostly because I knew that the Lady and my mother would be disappointed. I really wanted to stay worthy.

I asked her to get off of me, but she kept rubbing herself on me and getting me hard. I tried to sing hymns in my mind to stop myself from getting hard, but it didn’t work. She kept begging me to put my penis inside her body, grabbing it with her hands and trying to align it with her vagina. Finally I gave up and told her to go ahead. She rubbed her vulva up and down my body and grabbed my penis really hard. It hurt, but I didn’t say anything. When she finally positioned herself so that my penis went inside of her, I ejaculated almost immediately. I was mortified. She giggled and said that it was normal for a boy that didn’t have much experience. She told me to calm down and took me home. I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I told my mom what happened. She was absolutely furious, and promised to have a talk with the girl. I begged her not to say anything because she was preparing to go on a mission, and I didn’t want to be the reason she couldn’t go. My mom finally relented, but on the condition that I make an appointment with the priestess to confess. She gave me the number of the executive secretary and I made an appointment for the following Sunday.

When I walked into the preistess’s office, she was kind to me, but she asked a lot of questions about what exactly had happened. She asked me what things I had done in the moment to stop getting hard, and whether I had used my strong muscles to try to get the girl off of me. I mentioned the hymns I had sung in my head, but the priestess said that it clearly wasn’t enough, and that I was responsible for my own erections. She said that I was a handsome, muscular boy and that I didn’t do enough to keep the girl off of me. I knew she was right. And I knew the Lady was disappointed in me. Over the next few weeks, I stopped taking the sacrament and the priestess met with me every other week to ask about my progress. Things got easier when the girl went on her mission and I didn’t have to see her in church on Sundays.

My mind returned to the Young Men’s Camp fireside. I’m not sure how the priestess ended her testimony, but I remember deciding after the closing prayer that I really needed to know whether the church was true. I also wanted to develop a better relationship with Jerusha Christ. In my cabin that night, I prayed to Heavenly Mother to forgive me of my sins and to help me gain a testimony. After what seemed like hours, a warm feeling came over me, and I thought about all the faithful men that had come before me. I thought about my mother and the sacrifices she had made to lead our family. The Holy Ruah entered my heart in that very moment and I knew that Josephina Smith was a prophetess of the Goddess and that the Book of Morena was true.

I’m married now and I have a family of my own. I have two sons that I am teaching to live the gospel. My wife always supports me in my role as a father. I feel extremely blessed to be a part of the Lady’s church on this earth.

I know this Church is true. I promise, if you build your foundation through prayer, reading the Book of Morena, and trusting in the Lady, you will not go astray.